Wednesday, October 20, 2010

I would be a really bad farmer...

I realized recently that I would be a really bad farmer. Not because I have a composter in the back yard that has never really reached its full if any potential. Also not because I have a corner "garden" in my back yard that I keep clearing out of weeds but fail to put anything into. Actually this last one is a pretty close example to the type of farming that I am talking about. I am realizing that I am not a great cultivator of friendships. A farmer of friendships, if you will.

I tend to take friendships on and try to make them meaningful and close, but fail to cultivate them. These usually friends stay friends and when we get together, we are able to pick up where we left off. But this isn't how it should be. Looking back to my earlier years, I guess I have always been like this. One of my friends since elementary school, who reads this blog, can probably attest to my inattentiveness to friendships. While we maintain a level of acquaintance, I have failed throughout the years to do what I need to do as a friend to keep it a close, meaningful, worthy relationship; regardless of the miles between us.

None of this is the fault of the friends that I have. This is a lack of attention to the cultivation of the friendships on my end that has turned most of my friendships into mere acquaintances. I guess I get so caught up in my own little world that I forget that other people have their own little worlds too and it's important for me to know what is going on in them. I turn into hermit mode and expect them to be there waiting for me with open arms when I come out and it just isn't the case. I need to be a better friend, but I don't know how. I try hard and I mean well but I do a really bad job of it.

So I guess my first step is here. Now. If you know me, and think that I consider you one of my friends, please know that I do. I don't put up false pretenses with people. If you are my friend, know that I love you in my own weird put off way. I may not show it like I should, but I am willing to learn.

1 comment:

Staci said...

No matter how long it has been I still love ya.

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